JustClik News and Blogs

Views, news and features about the Goulburn Valley. Showcasing a variety of local writers and their views.

Radar Ralphy Lets one Go!

Radar Ralphy Lets one Go!
"Don't tell me you fell for her feminine charms, Ralph?" This yarn is about how humour can wear down the hardest nut.  Is it true?  Probably.As a cub reporter I was assigned to go out on the road with a traffic policeman.  This was back in the days of the local police having a dedicated traffic division, equipped with pursu...
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Point "0" Vitabrits — A Snapshot of Stupidity

Point "0" Vitabrits — A Snapshot of Stupidity

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

Every so often someone does something so ridiculous that when the story is told no-one is inclined to believe the storyteller.  This story I can assure you is true and it happened in Shepparton last year.

A friend and his partner were inside their house one morning when they were startled by a huge bang — more like an explosion — the forced compression of air inside a car, shattering of glass and grinding of metal on metal.

They raced outside to see that my friend's Ford ute, parked neatly next to the curb, had been destroyed from being visciously hit in the rear by a very late model Jeep 4WD.

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How Will he Get to "Kevin"?

How Will he Get to "Kevin"?

A little Shepparton boy traumatised by the death of his guinea pig was asking mum a load of questions.  The said guinea pig had been attacked and maimed by a visiting dog.

The poor tiny animal had been punctured by the dog's canines in a quite viscious attack.

The guinea pig, taken to the vet, was diagnosed as unsavable and was put down.  Dad broght him back for the burial.

The kids in the house, including the five-year-old little boy, watched the pet deposited into a pink shoebox and buried.

"But mum, how will he get out," asked the boy. Mum tried her best to explain that his body stayed in the ground and his spirit would go to a better place.

"Yeah, but if he's in the ground how will he get to 'Kevin" (Heaven)?," he asked.  The mind of a five year old is a wonderful place.  So innocent, so inquiring.

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Bird on a Wire

Bird on a Wire

This story is about modesty. Remember that classic movie scene from "A Bird on a Wire", starring Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn. The pair climbing a ladder. Mel with his head underneath the billowing canopy of Goldie's dress. Tiny g-string on view. You will need to read to the end to understand the metaphor.

We all know that breezy feeling — had you ever worn a hospital gown. The front is fine but those gaping backs are often problematic. Many a time I've had trouble fixing them to prevent those 'breezes'.

Now we've set the picture, I'm leading into a set of circumstances that caused considerable discomfort and potential embarassment for a young female regional softdrink sales representative.

This young woman, let's call her 'Melissa' was doing some rounds with a fellow rep. They had just pulled up at a country corner shop outlet. 'Melissa' started organising the stock in the rear of the shop.

Being a deft hand at this 'Melissa' would slice up the cardboard ready for recycling. Easy! On this particular day the Stanley precision was amiss and snicked one bottle. Maestro start playing "Pour Some Sugar on Me". The bottle exploded and sales rep Melissa was soaked from head to toe.

She had no change of clothes. Poor lass was sticky all day. Bet the shower looked good once she got home?

You'd kinda think that lesson alone would be enough to make one think that a change of clothes in the car would be a good idea. But it didn't.

Story part two: Melissa was on a regular route with another sales rep. A guy with a big girth — you know, the solid type. They reached a small country town corner shop outlet. Got out of the car to the sound of .... "RIIIIIIPPP". You guessed it, Melissa had just split her pants giving the world a view of her glutes defined by a tiny string. Hilarious from my point of view but embarrassing for Melissa.

Not beaten by the situation, Melissa grabbed her work jacket and wrapped it around her waist. Aside from the odd cool breeze to remind her of the situation, all was now secure and covered.

The pair entered the shop to be greeted by the owner who had been having trouble with one of the fridges they stocked. The technical adjustment required someone to climb up a ladder. Big sales rep shook his head, as if to say I'm afraid of heights/ladders or who knows what — leaving Melissa with the task.

To her credit and with much poise, she climed that ladder and adjusted the widget on the fridge — not knowing if her modesty was still secured by the jacket. Again, she was really, really pleased to get home.

The lesson learned is obvious: Melissa says "Always take a change of blouse and pants". She does and nothing untoward has happened since ... but she'll be ready when it does.

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